15 desires for 2015

A close family friend whom I respect and admire recently share with me some insights on the differences between goals and desires. Goals have times lines and specifics.  They are very clear and precise.  Desires are much more open, desires are deep rooted ideas with no deadlines, or needs to know the where, when and how.  So, I decided to come up with 15 desires for 2015 and beyond.

                                             1. Don't quit my daydream

2. Turn my daydreams into actualities and sustainable lifestyles.

3. Fall in love- Romantically, with my friends, family, and my lifestyle

                                          4. Continue exploring

                                       
                                         5. Laugh histarically almost everyday

                                                           
                                          6. Go outside and play!

                                                       7. Pick up new passions.

8. Treat everyone like I did as a child, respectful, and warm no matter if I think they are cooler then me or not. Look people in the eye when I meet them and everytime they are talking.

                                                   9. Capture and share my adventures

                                            10. Put on heels and bright lipstick for girls night out

                         11. Read more books, write more stories, learn more languages

                             
                                                        12. Grow out my hair again

13. Actually get up, get active,  and get involved with those causes that make my toes curl.

14. Realize, sometimes, you just want to curl up in a feather comforter, drink tea, eat chocolate, watch friends, and cry your eyes out. And that it's totally ok

15. Write an adventure travel blog

Right now I don't have it all together, this year I won't magically get it all together, I honestly might never have it all together, in fact "having it all together" might be a complete myth and NOBODY has it all together, but if i'm smiling everyday, falling more in love with life, and acting on my desires, I think i'll be ok and if we all do that for 2015, let go of goals and pressures and act and create our desires, we'll be killing it =)

It started with a frustrating hatred, but turned into a simplistic love affair

I gulped another mouthful of salt water, thrashed around, and pulled my board up onto the beach collapsing in the sand. "I hate surfing, hate hate hate it!"  That was my very first surf experience.  My older sister asked where the "best" surf was (not for a kook) and dropped me off at a rocky coast somewhere around Longbeach.  I had spent an hr, and not been able to break through the waves.  I hadn't a clue in hell what I was doing.  I stuck with it though, went a couple more times and learned to get out, catch a few waves, and it was fun, but I honestly didn't really like it all that much.  I mostly found it frustrating. I didn't understand the water or the waves, I couldn't paddle fast. I felt like a lost fool in the water, scared of it and annoyed that I sucked.

I really really wanted to like surfing though.  I LOVED the idea of surfing.  The lifestyle, clothes, cute boys, oh and it seemed like an activity I would really like, only I didn't.

Fast forward to this summer, and I was living in LA.  I was 100% convinced I liked surfing.  I didn't even care that I didn't like the surfing part.  I made some surf friends, and went out with my one friend Scott a bunch.  I would watch where he paddled out, when he went for waves.  I started watching surf films and surf comps. Instead of being frustrated that I couldn't surf in the water I started really tuning in and watching.  And within only one week I went from total poser to loving surfing.

Instead of being annoyed with the Ocean, I loved her.  I would relax on my board, sing a bit in my head, smile a whole bunch, and when the wave came I would listen.  Every day is different.  Every wave is different.

I quickly became genuinly hooked.  And then it wasn't even so much about the lifestyle anymore, it was a total escapism, and a total transformation. I would wake up, grab my board and send it to the beach completely by myself.  I love surfing with friends, but I also loved going out just me, and how I am completely in control of my surfing.

I'm the only person who knows how fast I paddle and my pop up.  So I decide which waves to go for, I just learned pop up instinctually and carving down the line, carving up waves then dipping back down, grabbing my rails and leaning around white water, keeping everything upper body completely relaxed as my legs are pumping back into the line then popping back or diving over the back side of the wave.

You see, I've ALWAYS been coached.   I was coached since I was five years old.  Coaches are great, but it's always someone else telling you what to do and how to do it.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're constantly listening to someone else, you lose your ability to trust your own judgement. I lost my ability to trust my instincts.

I haven't learned all that much on my own as far as sports go.  In that water though, a love affaire was born.  I really listen to the ocean, watch her swells, and just trust myself.  The day when I surfed a hurricane swell bringing in 10-15 foot waves,  I was told by a homie it was probably to big for me.  I was relaxing on the beach, I didn't NEED to surf it, prove anything, I felt none of that, I just wanted to get out in the water. So I paddled out and watched at the break level for about two hours. Then pointed my board toward the beach, I just relaxed, and when the wave came and the Ocean said go, I went.

That last paddle to the moment of dropping in, I don't even really know what I'm doing, I just do it, and it's so wonderful.  Not analyzing and self consciousness, no proving I'm good hahah it's just a love story between me and the Ocean.

I don't have pictures, or videos, I just have an experience.  I suppose in this day and age you're supposed to document everything.  Make it look cooler then it really is. Well, I just have my love affair, and a completely new appreciation for my own judgement.  I know it sounds silly and cocky, but not only did I fall in love with surfing, but I fell in love with a relaxed version of myself.  I fell in love with my own split second judgement capabilities, and realized I really really like calling my own shots.

This is my last week in California.  It was a good call for me to come here this summer.  I've learned a lot, and I have some really really exciting projects in the works, but right now, I'm itching for snow again.

I have NO idea how this comp season will go, and frankly, after caring so much last year, I'm a bit tired of obsessing over it.  I just know I am excited beyond belief to get a house with my besties and shred around on skis every day!  That freedom I found in surfing, I'm going to bring it with me, that's the freedom feeling that addicted me to skiing, and I'm so happy I learned the feeling of freedom again.

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!"
-Bob Marley

you're 22, why do you care?

This morning, I read a very interesting piece on why women can't have it all. An insightful look into the standards of successful business women, and the sacrifices they make in order to obtain that level of career success. It is very true that men make family sacrifices as well, but it is seen more acceptable to ignore your family as a man in pursuit of a career. What are we really doing then admiring and promoting those people willing to sacrifice their family time in order to help the masses? Maybe if our leaders really were honest about the struggles between family and work we would be able to make economic and political changes that both promote and value family, a concept that is being quickly misconstrued and tarnished.

It is popular for teenagers to start to hate their parents and treat them with disrespects, siblings squabble, parents work crazy hours in order to assure the happiness of their children, only to hand their children off to full time care. It's a crazy concept. Work hard so you can pursuit happiness...later. I posted that article on Facebook, and the first comment was, you're 22, who cares?

Well I feel it's fairly obvious I wouldn't have spend an hour reading a 13 page article and then posting it if I didn't care, so to answer the question, I care. Perhaps the real question meant to be asked was WHY do you care. And while still I feel on the verge of being rude, I am more then happy to answer that question to the best of my ability. Although there is no concrete reason as to why someone cares about multiple issues, while the people next door wake up and do drugs and don't care about anything other then their fix. That's humans.

Anyways, I come from an interesting line of New Englanders. There are Boston contractors, Professors, women's self-esteem, doctors, Ivy Leagues, Wall street workers, Dentists, 15 year old mothers and more in my family. There's a strong New England white collar mindset. The concept of the pursuit of happiness is closely linked to the pursuit of property. Success is quite often seen as the money you make. I am lucky at my 22 years of age to see all sorts of people. I have traveled more then most people do in their life to more places then most. I have seen cultures, and people, and values, and priorities. I have conversed with people who control more money then small countries, and shredded skateparks barefoot with bros who have never gone a day past twelve without the Mary Jane.

So that's my history, and an insight into experience, but it still doesn't answer the question why do I care. I suppose one of the reason's is I’m currently making decisions about my own careers. I am a skier, but I won't stay a professional level skier forever, do I want to go the route of a standard career? Do I want to go into corporate? Or Do I want stay ski based, work around the industry, or do I want to live on the beach and teach fitness and gymnastics? Is it that you're saying 22 is to young to think about those things? Well my family started asking me at 14 about those questions. And I would rather think about them now, and actually acnowledge and analyze my option rather then get so far down a road I wake up and realize I didn't live the way I wanted.

Or that you don't think there's any reason to plan out your life, that you should just live and chill and be real. I have a sister who thinks that way, and I vacillate back and forth. See, I have too many thoughts to just sit and chill. As a little girl after the twin towers and before the Iraq war I made place mats and stood at the end of the road selling them and explaining why we shouldn't go into that war. You can't very well go from reading college books at 12 to just not giving a shit. Trust me, I tried, and that's why it was so unnatural. I suppose if you really don't give a shit it's easy to act like you don't give a shit, but if you give a lot of shits about a lot of things, then you can't just be indifferent.

So I care. I care about political tensions, I love to read, and I'm a total dork when it comes to schooling. I have a high speed memory, and love learning. But I also love my happiness. I hate long hours inside, inflexible schedules and bosses. So ya, I am trying to figure out the course and the road I would like to take with my life. I am currently walking down multiple roads simultaneously, and I am happy with that.

I will continue to care about issues, it's just not going away, and I quite honestly don't have to justify why I care, in fact maybe more people should be asking themselves why they don't care? Why is it so cool to not care about anything, but simultaneously care about everything? Care about your style, how you are portrayed being seen as cool, obsessing about social media, cars, celebrities, but yet making sure you don't care about anything that could be meaningful and stressful. We have a society that promotes watching little girls in pageants, yet it's uncool to actually talk about the things you are about. So this is my attempt at answering why I care, and let me ask you now, why don't you care?

A vulnerable account of my story in freeskiing

Sometimes, we pause and realize, we need to be vulnerable.  We need to shed our armor and open up to our true thoughts and feelings. We need that release, and we need to tell our true story.  This is my story of freesking.

I started park skiing at seventeen years old.  I came from a very lucky, sports background.  Growing up as a gymnast I could almost always out flip anyone, and handstand contests were a shoe in.  At 15 I had the fastest time, girl or boy at Jr Olympics qualifier for ski racing. I grew up with tomboy guy friends and not really exposed to girls being weaker.

If I did something like a cartwheel in a dress and people could see my underwear, without judging, my mom would give me cute shorts to wear under my dresses, bam, problem solved.  so it was quite a surprise for me entering the park skiing world.

First off, I wasn't very good.  I was learning how to slide a flat rail, while the boys were doing K-feds.  I was working on grabbing a 360 while Bobby Brown was already landing switch dub Misty's.

At first I didn't care.  I didn't expect myself to be good.  In fact, when I very first started freestyle, I was 100% positive I was too old, and too far behind to ever "make it."  All I really wanted was to do a backflip on snow.

                                                           mount snow open 2010

I was lucky in freeskiing right away, I had a natural knack for flipping, and that allowed me to shoot to the top very quickly.  In under two years I went from my first ever slopestyle contest to an X-Games invite.

Of course that brought along jealousy, and I sure didn't do anything to prevent it.  I was so unaware that anyone would be setting me up to make a fool of myself, that I walked right into their traps.  I knew girls were so far behind, but it frustrated me so much being told that, over and over again.  Here I was, showing up with my pink pants, coffee coolatta's and no real idea of what was "right" or "wrong" in freeskiing.  I showed up because I realized I LOVED being able to do whatever I wanted on my skis.  I loved the freedom of flying through the air.  It's amazing.

I didn't show up to try and prove anything or change myself, I showed up to ski.  But I got distracted.  I was so sad hearing people make fun of girls over and over that I would stand up for them.  All of a sudden I had something to prove.  I had to prove girls could ski.  Quickly after that, I won Jr. Worlds, got an invite to X-Games, and tore my ACL at Dew Tour in December 2010.

I was devastated.  All the sponsor line ups, the agent, gone.  I had been there for a flash then disappeared.  I didn't want to disappear completely so I went to study sales in college.  I wanted to prove myself invaluable to the companies I represented.  I wanted to be cool, and steazy, I basically wanted to be Henrik Harlot, or Tom Wallish.  Doing tweaked out corks in tall t's and sagged pants.  Giving zero fucks, listening to rap and being a boss.

I rehabbed, moved to Park City, and started water ramping.  One short month, after learning more tricks then I could ever have imagined, I landed one foot on one foot off and re-tore my ACL.

Again back to rehab, back to being obsessed with skiing, but not able to do anything about it.  The frustration, the judgment.  I got a LARS graft, rehabbed with the amazing Jess Tidswell, and was back on snow spring of 2012.

First Rev tours back and I was victorious.  Start of 2013, and I was stoked to be skiing and ready to prove things.  I was ready, I had my tall T's, rap was blasting out of my headphones, and I was trying my best to mimick the guy steaze landings.

It was an amazing year.  I went to X-Games Aspen, X-Games Europe, World Champs, AFP world champs....I had an amazing time, but was constantly trying to prove something.  Trying to get sponsors, make money, prove that girls can ski.  It was really really tiring trying so hard.  And there was an issue, I kept doing "weird" tricks no one else was doing.  I had different axis rotations, I couldn't ski just like Tom or Henrik.

So what did I do?  I got sponsored by a company that didn't make girls clothes, skied with all guys, became obsessed with the olympics and how to sell myself as an athlete, changing my style constantly.

2014 came and I fell a lot.  I didn't finish many runs, I was pretty miserable.  I cried at just about every early season comp, the desperation was pretty apparent.  I skied stiff, and I was in constant major knee pain.  I tried to bring back some of the pink, but I wasn't really into it.  I didn't know who I was as a skier, a person, or a friend.  I was rude to some of the people I like the most (family)  And quite honestly I often was not that fun to be around.  I'm pretty amazed at some of the friends I have, that they liked and hung out with me last year, because I don't think I really liked myself.

What happened!?

Where was that happy go lucky girl.  The blonde who started freestyle because it was fun.  For the freedom, who just wanted to show up to play.  She didn't want all this pressure, this proving, this constant changing around of image and trying to get social media presence..... that girl, the true mocrazy, she didn't care.

I wanted her back, so I went away.  I went out of the ski world, to California, and lived.  I remembered skiing, and I remembered the fun.  I want the fun.  I want carefree laughing days on top of an untouched park under the sun.  Cruising down mountain ranges all over the world with my best friends and sister. I want pink snow pants and coffee coolatta's.  I want to film.  I want to share this amazing life, the laughter, the friends, the skiing, the trips to France, Italy, Venice, Paris, Canada.....  I want the missed busses, the lost luggage, I want it all.  I want everything except the judgement.  The desperation,  and the judgement, proving things, I'm no longer doing that.  I am who I am and I can't change that very well, so I might as well not try anymore and just be me.

I'm Jamie Crane-Mauzy, I'm blonde and ditzy, I talk way too much and do silly dumb tricks like handstand twerks, my favorite color is pink, and I really like pretty trendy things.  I love romantic comedies, Beyonce, dancing, and I'm totally boy crazy.  I like pretty much anyone who lives their life to enjoy it.  I like happy people and those who raise others up.  I'm a girly wonderstruck romantic, and I'm a female freeskier.

My name is Jamie Crane-Mauzy and I live Life Mocrazy.

Euro Trip!

Hey Everyone!
So as most of you know, the beginning of my year didn't go so well for me.  I'm not sure what happened, but I know what didn't happen: I didn't have fun, I didn't land runs, and I didn't make the Olympics.  After the road to Sochi had ended for me, I went to California to heal and refresh both my mind and body.  After some weeks in the sun I felt a longing return for the mountains.  So I came back to the winter, and Aspen Open.  At Aspen Open I was still rattled, and lacking confidence, but began the process of getting my groove back ;)  I skied well but fell both runs in slope (a trend I was on) In halfpipe though I laid down a nice run and got 2!

After Aspen Open it was off to Europe!

I went to the SFR tour stop in Vars, down to Marseille, up to La Clusaz for the final of SFR tour slope, then over to Robin's house in Friburg Switzerland where Robin and his parents welcomed us warmly and we had a few amazing days of shredding, then it was over to Tignes, for the SFR Halfpipe Platinum stop, after that up to Paris where my mom's friend Sharon was amazing for welcoming us into her home!  After that it was down to 9 Queens in Italy! Then to round out the trip a few days in Venice!

It was a five week trip and kind of a lot for one blog post, so many pictures! I gotta admit I was going to post during my trip, but I was scared of jinxing it back into bad luck.  I know that is really silly, but a lot of things had not gone well for me recently, and I wanted to live this trip in the moment, not wondering how it was going to fit into a blog.

Anyways, it's more pictures then words, and I'm excited to now be sharing with you all a little perspective into my Euro trip!

I arrived in France with a lost bag and late.  Jamie Morrison, the legendary dad of Noah Morrison saved my Vars portion of the trip both by helping me with transportation and with lodging.  We went straight from the airport up to the Frostgun Invitation after party! Danced a lot, Slept a bit, drove forever, and ended up in Vars!
                                                    Packed Car!

                                         How many canadians does it take to read a map?

Vars was great!  I had an awesome time skiing and putting down tricks.  Unfotunately I was still in my non landing slump, and I fell both comp runs.  The day after though we spent a bluebird day filming then went down to Marseille.

In Marseille we packed about a weeks worth of adventures into two days!

 Notre Dame de la guarde.                                                           The Harbour

By the time I got to La Clusaz, I was so over expectations and nerves, instead I just skied.  I missed all of the training day, so had three runs before my comp. In the comp I laid down a mellow and stylish first run, which ended up being my highest scoring run and landed me in third place!  What I was most proud of though, was that second run I did my right rodeo 5 to left switch 5 mute.  It was the first time I had done a rodeo on the jump and the first time I hit the jump switch, and it was all in my comp run! I landed just about more runs in that day then I had the rest of season put together ;)

                                                    Katie and I just being swag ;)

After La Clusaz we went to Robin's house and his family welcomed us with open arms!  Robin's mom Monique especially went out of her way cooking us delicious meals, taking us to yoga, showing us the laundry and really just making us feel so comfortable and welcome!  I was so grateful to them for their hospitality!  Those few days we spent shredding Crans-Montana and Portes De Soleil were the exact sunny warm days I needed to start landing some tricks I was working on =)

In Tignes I met up with my little sister Jeanee!  We were rooming with Isabel and Zyre.  I had a great time in the pipe, and was really happy with both my runs and my place.  I was one spot out of finals in sixth.  So instead of skiing which would have been best, I got to relax, eat some free fondue, drink some spiced wine and enjoy the tremendous show!  SFR put on the best comps I have been to this year!  The announcer was so excited he really worked the crowd, and the french crowd knows how to party.  The pipe finals had flashing lights inbetween athletes, fireworks, dance music, and it really was an entertaining show!  I am DEFINATELY coming back to SFR. J'aime France!

Paris was amazing, and lived up to everything I had heard about it.  Jeanee Zyre and I had a blast dressing up nice and touring around the city of love.  (only we had no lovers so next year maybe we should get some)  anyways we went to the Louvre, Eiffel Tower, Lock Bridge, and Arc De Triomphe as well as just exploring the city and becoming Parisian Pros with the metro.

                                         Louvre Museum

                                          Mont Marte

                                                    Eiffel Tower

Lock Bridge

Arc De Triomphe

                                                         After Paris was 9 Queens!
                                                       One of the best weeks of the year!
                                                   Check it out! Nine Queens Facebook

                                                    "No shinanigans Jamie"

                                          Picture David Malacrida

 I wrecked my face a bit on a fall.  Didn't hurt too bad, but looked gruesome! Zombie!!!!!  I had to take the next day off as my eye swelled shut overnight, so I missed the comp day.  Luckily though I was fine the day after and did both sessions of the Heli Shoot!  More photos and videos coming from 9 Queens soon!

                                                            Picture David Malacrida

After 9 Queens I met back up with Jeanee, who had just come from grabbing 3rd place at Junior World Championships!!!!! and we went down to Venice, put on our black dresses, jumped on some boats, and took in the city of mystery.

                                                    My mask covered my black eye well!

Unfortunately we had a bag full of jewelry and vases and trays and cups we had bought in Venice and it got left on the boat dock =( 

And so that's it!  I have a million more photos, a black eye, a bruised hip, a happy heart, and a healthy body!  Can't wait to practice more of my French! je vu parle Francais avec vous!  and see you next time  Europe! I will definitely be back! Au revoir! Good bye! Arrivederci!