A vulnerable account of my story in freeskiing

Sometimes, we pause and realize, we need to be vulnerable.  We need to shed our armor and open up to our true thoughts and feelings. We need that release, and we need to tell our true story.  This is my story of freesking.

I started park skiing at seventeen years old.  I came from a very lucky, sports background.  Growing up as a gymnast I could almost always out flip anyone, and handstand contests were a shoe in.  At 15 I had the fastest time, girl or boy at Jr Olympics qualifier for ski racing. I grew up with tomboy guy friends and not really exposed to girls being weaker.

If I did something like a cartwheel in a dress and people could see my underwear, without judging, my mom would give me cute shorts to wear under my dresses, bam, problem solved.  so it was quite a surprise for me entering the park skiing world.

First off, I wasn't very good.  I was learning how to slide a flat rail, while the boys were doing K-feds.  I was working on grabbing a 360 while Bobby Brown was already landing switch dub Misty's.

At first I didn't care.  I didn't expect myself to be good.  In fact, when I very first started freestyle, I was 100% positive I was too old, and too far behind to ever "make it."  All I really wanted was to do a backflip on snow.

                                                           mount snow open 2010

I was lucky in freeskiing right away, I had a natural knack for flipping, and that allowed me to shoot to the top very quickly.  In under two years I went from my first ever slopestyle contest to an X-Games invite.

Of course that brought along jealousy, and I sure didn't do anything to prevent it.  I was so unaware that anyone would be setting me up to make a fool of myself, that I walked right into their traps.  I knew girls were so far behind, but it frustrated me so much being told that, over and over again.  Here I was, showing up with my pink pants, coffee coolatta's and no real idea of what was "right" or "wrong" in freeskiing.  I showed up because I realized I LOVED being able to do whatever I wanted on my skis.  I loved the freedom of flying through the air.  It's amazing.

I didn't show up to try and prove anything or change myself, I showed up to ski.  But I got distracted.  I was so sad hearing people make fun of girls over and over that I would stand up for them.  All of a sudden I had something to prove.  I had to prove girls could ski.  Quickly after that, I won Jr. Worlds, got an invite to X-Games, and tore my ACL at Dew Tour in December 2010.

I was devastated.  All the sponsor line ups, the agent, gone.  I had been there for a flash then disappeared.  I didn't want to disappear completely so I went to study sales in college.  I wanted to prove myself invaluable to the companies I represented.  I wanted to be cool, and steazy, I basically wanted to be Henrik Harlot, or Tom Wallish.  Doing tweaked out corks in tall t's and sagged pants.  Giving zero fucks, listening to rap and being a boss.

I rehabbed, moved to Park City, and started water ramping.  One short month, after learning more tricks then I could ever have imagined, I landed one foot on one foot off and re-tore my ACL.

Again back to rehab, back to being obsessed with skiing, but not able to do anything about it.  The frustration, the judgment.  I got a LARS graft, rehabbed with the amazing Jess Tidswell, and was back on snow spring of 2012.

First Rev tours back and I was victorious.  Start of 2013, and I was stoked to be skiing and ready to prove things.  I was ready, I had my tall T's, rap was blasting out of my headphones, and I was trying my best to mimick the guy steaze landings.

It was an amazing year.  I went to X-Games Aspen, X-Games Europe, World Champs, AFP world champs....I had an amazing time, but was constantly trying to prove something.  Trying to get sponsors, make money, prove that girls can ski.  It was really really tiring trying so hard.  And there was an issue, I kept doing "weird" tricks no one else was doing.  I had different axis rotations, I couldn't ski just like Tom or Henrik.

So what did I do?  I got sponsored by a company that didn't make girls clothes, skied with all guys, became obsessed with the olympics and how to sell myself as an athlete, changing my style constantly.

2014 came and I fell a lot.  I didn't finish many runs, I was pretty miserable.  I cried at just about every early season comp, the desperation was pretty apparent.  I skied stiff, and I was in constant major knee pain.  I tried to bring back some of the pink, but I wasn't really into it.  I didn't know who I was as a skier, a person, or a friend.  I was rude to some of the people I like the most (family)  And quite honestly I often was not that fun to be around.  I'm pretty amazed at some of the friends I have, that they liked and hung out with me last year, because I don't think I really liked myself.

What happened!?

Where was that happy go lucky girl.  The blonde who started freestyle because it was fun.  For the freedom, who just wanted to show up to play.  She didn't want all this pressure, this proving, this constant changing around of image and trying to get social media presence..... that girl, the true mocrazy, she didn't care.

I wanted her back, so I went away.  I went out of the ski world, to California, and lived.  I remembered skiing, and I remembered the fun.  I want the fun.  I want carefree laughing days on top of an untouched park under the sun.  Cruising down mountain ranges all over the world with my best friends and sister. I want pink snow pants and coffee coolatta's.  I want to film.  I want to share this amazing life, the laughter, the friends, the skiing, the trips to France, Italy, Venice, Paris, Canada.....  I want the missed busses, the lost luggage, I want it all.  I want everything except the judgement.  The desperation,  and the judgement, proving things, I'm no longer doing that.  I am who I am and I can't change that very well, so I might as well not try anymore and just be me.

I'm Jamie Crane-Mauzy, I'm blonde and ditzy, I talk way too much and do silly dumb tricks like handstand twerks, my favorite color is pink, and I really like pretty trendy things.  I love romantic comedies, Beyonce, dancing, and I'm totally boy crazy.  I like pretty much anyone who lives their life to enjoy it.  I like happy people and those who raise others up.  I'm a girly wonderstruck romantic, and I'm a female freeskier.

My name is Jamie Crane-Mauzy and I live Life Mocrazy.